Full Circle.

I have delayed writing this post for some time now.

Not because its not important but because it’s a difficult thing for me to write about.

As much as I love new adventures and new experiences saying goodbye is not something I’m particularly good at. To be frank I suck at it. All the feelings and emotions and the blah blah blah… Im just plain not good at it. I knew it was something I was going to have to do but to be honest I thought I would have a few months in which I could slowly start to take people to buna, thank everyone who has made my two years the best time in my life, and get to celebrate my time in Chitu. I thought “Three months to start goodbyes I can do that. I can process things in that amount of time.

So when I was told in the middle of January that I officially was not allowed to return to my site due to forces outside of my control I knew I would not have the time to process the feelings and emotions that I had been wanting to avoid.'

Let’s take a step back to May 2014 when we swore in as volunteers. The day we took the oath to become volunteers I was told I wouldn’t be going to site, due to protests that were happening in my region of Ethiopia. Peace Corps put those of us who would have to wait at Ras hotel in the center of Addis. At the time we didn’t think too much of it considering we had been in the country for a total of three months. Most of us were pretty happy to get to eat pizza and lounge around. One night stands out in my head. A group of us were sitting in a friend’s room eating misc. snacks from care packages when we heard a wedding outside.  We stuck our heads out the window just in time for some small fireworks to come flying towards our room. We quickly closed the window just in time for the fireworks to bounce off the glass. Around 11 days later we were given the all clear and allowed to go to our new homes.

Fast forward 19 months to December 2015. At this point I am 22 months into my 27 month service which is usually the time volunteers begin to wrap up projects and slowly start to say their goodbyes.  I was called on Dec 8^th and told that I would need to come to Addis due to some protesting that was happening around my region.  PC had told me they were sending a car and would try to get to me that day. The following day they were able to pick me up from my site and bring me to the Capitol, Addis Ababa. Those of us who had been consolidated before figured we would spend a few days sitting around Addis eating pizza and would be going back to site the following week.  A month later still sitting in Addis… still eating pizza we began to wonder what was going to happen.  Would we be going back soon? Volunteers began going back to site as things calmed down and schools began again. Things were going back to normal in a lot of places. There just a few sites that were taking a little longer. Mine being one of them. After about a month and a half I sat down with the Country Director who told me it might just be a better option for me to begin my extension early.

It was such a mixture of feelings hearing I most likely wouldn’t be going back to where I called home.

I wouldn’t get those months to slowly start to say goodbye.

To have the buna with friends.

To have my farewell celebrations.

To explain to the kids on my street that I was leaving.

I didn’t get that.

I got three hours of frantically packing my house. 

Three hours of my neighbors helping me shove things in misc. oil boxes. 

Three hours of my mom shaking her head saying she wants me to stay. 

Three hours of kids in and out of my house asking when I would come back. Four days? Five days?

Three hours of my neighbors saying goodbye and hoping me the best.

I barely had time to run to my ag office and explain that I had to leave that day.

No real thank yous to my counterpart who always tried his best to include me.

I had three hours.

As those three hours came to a close and I drove away the children that I spent every day walking past, a few months teaching English, countless games, countless hellos, and countless smiles followed the car. Running after the car they yelled for me not to leave.

That moment was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. Try having 30 children run after a car begging you not to leave. When you yourself aren’t ready to leave anyway.

As I was sitting back at Ras hotel  consolidated for the second and last time I couldn’t help but think back to 19 months before that. How then I couldn’t wait to go to site… and now I wasn’t ready to leave. I was excited for my next year in Ethiopia and the challenges it would bring but also felt robbed of my goodbyes.

January also happens to be wedding season here in Ethiopia. I sat in my room listening to the chants of the wedding party outside of my room. As the chants continued I heard the sound of fireworks begin. A moment later I heard a bang and looked up in time to see a firework crash into my window. 

It was then I knew my service had come full circle. 

I was ready to begin the next adventure.